I have been asked many times, where did the idea come from, what led you to this business? I have always been willing to share the story in person but have been somewhat reluctant to put it in writing, in part, because it’s not a great “feel-good” story. The non-sexy truth is that it’s the culmination of a series of events, most notably, a very painful personal experience which eventually led to my breakthrough. GOD has brought me a very long way from a time when pain ruled my life, and he used that experience to help me get over the fear of stepping out into the unknown. I decided to share the account of my journey and how I found my INSPIRATION, in hopes that someone (maybe you) will read it, dust off your dream, and get moving on it. We can all live above expectations!
This account is part crime, drama, suspense, horror, and adventure. I use sub-headings to break up the content so that you can read it all or just the sections that interest you. This story is still being written and we can’t wait to live the next chapters!
I grew up on the island (Jamaica), as the last of 5 kids, in a poor household, with extremely strict parents. With very limited options and freedoms, I resorted to the one thing that I could do without getting in trouble; Dreaming! My original childhood dream of becoming a pilot died when someone convinced me that I couldn’t afford that dream; it was not for people like me. Yep, someone told me that, and I believed! That happened when I was 10 years old, and it wasn’t until I was 13 that a new dream for my future emerged; I was going to own my own business.
I once read a quote that said “the most resilient parasite is an idea (your Dream)” and boy, isn’t that the truth! The dream came at 13 and, well into my mid-thirties; I couldn’t shake the idea but had only managed to make one feeble attempt at scratching this terrible itch. The rest of the time I was busy doing what I felt everyone expected me to do!
Fast forward to 2008, so much had happened in my life. Here's a quick recap! I came to the U.S. on an athletic scholarship, attended graduate school, got married, had two sons with a daughter on the way, had a failed first attempt at business, and was heading back to graduate school to pursue an MBA. How’s that for a condensed timeline?
There is no doubt that the happenings of 2008 changed the landscape of my life forever! My daughter Linnae came crashing into our world in March, 5 months before I re-enrolled in graduate school as a full time student. Neither the doctors nor my wife and I had any prior indication that this would not be a normal birth. The first two months of her life were spent in the ICU of two different hospitals. I started school in August of 08, and while it was a great learning experience, it effectively served as a distraction from the realities of my life at home. At one point, I remember driving to the hospital, approximately 75 minutes away, as many as three times per week, and then driving right back to school to study. I thank God for my wife! I don’t know how she did it but she managed everything and worked fulltime while I was in school. An absolute gift from God!
Approximately 12 months into the process, after a very successful heart repair procedure (surgery), we were excited to be coming to the end of an extremely trying time in our lives. One, maybe two, more surgeries and we would move past our intense medical experience to a life that would be more normal and manageable. Thank God!
A fairly routine procedure, or so he said, was anything but routine and made a very emotional situation virtually impossible for me to deal with. I had wrongfully placed my faith in the doctor and now my spirit was severely fractured. What was supposed to be the end only signaled the beginning of a string of MANY invasive surgeries/procedures to fix the damage that resulted from one (1) surgery. Over 70% of her (30+) procedures to date were the direct result of this surgical disaster. After some early, very frustrating, failed, attempts to correct the damage, we agreed to wait one whole year (2009 -2010) to give her body a chance to heal itself, and allow our emotions to stabilize.
It was not easy for me to ignore the obvious for a whole year but with God’s help and the support of family & friends, we managed to keep it together. I graduated in 2010, accepted a job at a Fortune 50 company, and delayed my start date. I was finally free of other obligations and able to give 110% of my focus to my family situation. I didn't see any real improvement in my daughter’s situation but the wait for answers was finally over. We were very hopeful that the surgeon would offer a solid plan to fix the damage that he orchestrated.
The conversation with the surgeon was anything but reassuring, in fact, his lack of preparation for the unchanged reality of the situation was very discouraging. The surgeon had no plan and when i pointed that out to him, he said “Why don’t you tell me what to do.” That statement completely crushed my already wounded spirit. I held it together long enough to say said my piece but walked out of the exam room a broken man because I had failed as an advocate, father, and protector for our little girl. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had just relinquished control of myself to my circumstances. This was the start of my long battle with a fierce, deep, dark depression. I had failed at the most basic job of a father.
The summer of 2010 was filled with every emotion, joy, pain, uncertainty, hope; you name it we felt it! Determined to start living again, my wife and I moved our family to a different state, found new doctors for our daughter’s care, and started new jobs. Linnae was two years old and medically fragile but we were determined to enter this new phase of our lives with great expectation. As the years passed and the medically corrective procedures yielded minimal, sometimes, no results, it became harder and harder to remain positive and hopeful. Seeing my daughter became a constant and painful reminder of the surgeon’s statement… he owned me! I should have stood up for her, I should have fought harder, no good father would ever allow such wrong to be done to his pet, let alone his child. The constant thoughts of my failure made it progressively harder to sleep at night.
Things were definitely not perfect at home but it would be different at work because I made a decision to totally disassociate my work and home lives. I became a highly functional, somewhat broken individual. It is amazing how we can compartmentalize and live two completely separate lives, but I took pride in what I did and wanted to do my best at all times. I would leave in the morning and work the entire day without much problems. At work, I was positive and upbeat because the source of my trouble and pain was in a totally different place. I told myself, and believed that I had more opportunity and control at work and would not let my personal issues affect my relationships and responsibilities on the job. However, in the evenings, once I turned onto my street, a feeling of heaviness would come upon me, and a dark cloud would greet me as I entered the front door. If you’ve ever been depressed, you know what I mean!
As the months turned to years on the job, the work environment began to decay very rapidly. Work, the place/activity that served as a productive escape from home, was losing its appeal because the atmosphere had become so negative. Lunch times with co-workers turned into group therapy/vent sessions, even for seasoned veterans with long tenure in the company. I knew it was time to go when two respected, highly successful veterans, independently stated that they would have left the company if it weren’t for the fact that they weren’t fully vested and close enough to retirement. My sense of personal satisfaction and fulfillment was at an all time low and I needed to figure out a way to fix this, quickly! My kids walked on egg shells around me, I was losing my desire to smile. I could literally feel the life draining out of me.
As I was coping with my issues, battling with the demon of depression, I made a conscious effort to avoid being left alone with Linnae. I know it sounds cold and uncaring but trust me when I tell you that it wasn’t because I didn’t love my daughter. I blamed myself for much of the pain and hurt that my little girl had to endure. I wanted to fix things so badly and told myself that, because these weren’t the cards God dealt her at birth, I was never going to find any joy or peace until her issues were completely fixed. To make matters worse, the callous statement of the surgeon echoed in my mind every time I saw her; “Why don’t you tell me what to do!” For years, the pain was too much to bear and I just wanted to hide every chance I get. I got to a place in life where the pain completely controlled me I had no escape from it, not even in church. . As time went on, I had lost my faith and was growing more and more apart from my family. I wasn’t any fun to be around; I didn’t even want to be around me! I could only see and feel my own pain, and had little regard for the feelings of others around me (family). It’s not an excuse but if you or someone you know is acting this way, seek out help for depression.
I was always guarded against true alone time with Linnae but one evening I found myself in an unavoidable situation. My wife needed to take the boys to a function and, on this occasion, I could not switch places with her because her attendance was necessary. Not an situation for me, but I had it all worked out. I would setup my, then 4 year old, daughter with her favorite TV show and quietly retreat to my room to await the return of the rest of the family. On this occasion, the television would prove to be an ineffective buffer between me and Linnae because she had multiple requests that required my presence.
After about the 3rd request for assistance, I was heading back to my hideout when Linnae asked me to watch TV with her. I politely declined and she, un-characteristically, turned away from the TV in the middle of her show and hit me with a relentless series of questions: “why?, where are you going? why?, but why?” I tried my best to play it off or deflect the questions but she demanded a legitimate answer and was not going to settle until she got one.
She caught up to me at the stairs and would not be denied this confrontation/explanation. As I turned to talk to her, she looked directly at my face and, like a therapist, asked; are you sad? I was overcome with emotion as I sat on the stairs and hung my head. Her more intuitive follow-up question was; why are you sad? I gave her my honest answer but she needed me to repeat it because it was intentionally muffled and under my breath. How could this little girl be so expertly deconstructing me in the way she was? Only God knows!
This time I said it clearly; “I am sad because I let them hurt you” What happened next, had never happened before but I believe that my little girl was determined to make a point. She reached down and placed both hands on my cheeks, lifted my sagging head, looked me in the eyes and said “Dad, I’m not hurt, I’m fine.” The tears started to flow as I hugged her but, this time it felt different, it felt good. She had to ask me to let! I told her I had to finish something in my room but I would return to watch TV with her. I went back to my room and "let it all out" before returning to watch TV with her, as promised. I am glad there were no witnesses because it was ugly!!
When Linnae said “I’m not hurt, I’m fine” I understood in my heart that she was freeing me to really live again. My daughters face bore the physical evidence of her medical mishap, the thing that reminded me most of my failure as a protector, but she forced me to look at her face when she said “I am fine.” It would be easy to say she didn’t understand what I meant but I believe that God was using her, in that moment, to tell me that terrible pain and failure is a part of life but that we must keep living. It had been years since her surgery but the surgeon and his actions still owned my thoughts. She was telling me it time to finally let go of the hurt and reclaim my joy!
In that moment, my little girl Linnae became “my Inspiration…my why”. If, after all she had endured in the past, and continue to deal with, she can maintain such a triumphant spirit, then I have no excuses. In her, I see someone who has already defied the odds and has not settled for surviving but is determined to thrive. She is the reason why I determined that I would take my dream of the shelf, dust it off, and live it! Giving up what’s known for the unknown pursuit of my Dreams was not easy but my inspiration…my why is very strong and fuels me to press on, despite the difficulties.
Living the DREAM won’t be easy but it’s the only way to truly live!
Before finding my Inspiration, my wife had been encouraging me for a while to leave my day job but I resisted her advice. I told myself that I had failed at being a protector and I was determined, more than ever, to keep succeeding as a provider. Although unfulfilled in my current condition I told myself that if I rock the boat any further, it would totally capsize, and everyone would drown because of me. I had effectively made the decision to continue slowly dying inside and convinced myself that this was best for us all. Don’t ask why because it doesn’t make any sense for anyone to live like that. How twisted is that!
One of the few things that I still really enjoyed was exercise, specifically playing basketball. In fact, basketball was my sanity break, my therapy, and although it was far from the perfect experience, it did the trick. I would leave work in the evenings and head to the gym to get a few games in. During the week, I would play three times for about 2-3 hours against much younger players. I would also play once or twice on the weekend. I loved the fact that I controlled my own effort and would compete really hard because, if I won, I could prolong the freedom. When I was on the court, I felt in total control, unlike other areas of my life!
Exercise was a great coping mechanism for me but it didn’t change the facts. It didn’t address the root cause of my issues. To further complicate my situation, I was consistently haunted by another parasite that lived inside of me; my Dream. I had to do something different but I knew that simply getting another job would not be the answer. If I was going to make a change, this time around, my Dream had to take center stage. For a while, I was asking God for direction on my next move but no answer came in the bright lights. Finally, I began praying for peace and God granted it to me.
I finally submitted my resignation, much to the delight and celebration of my wife who, momentarily, would become the sole breadwinner for our family, until God allowed the dream to become a reality. She embraced the wife, mommy, breadwinner, superhero role as if she was made for it. Wow, now it was up to me! I have to put in the time and effort, despite any and all setbacks, to give her a return on her investment in me.
In the midst of my struggles, YES my battle with depression, the evenings that included exercise, basketball in particular, were much more manageable than the ones that didn’t. My wife quietly took notice of the difference and encouraged me to get as much exercise, as often as possible, LOL. I love her for her intuition but knew something had to change because, at the very minimum, that strategy would completely wear my body out.
Around the time when the personal darkness began clearing, I volunteered to coach my 10 year old son’s team in the local school district basketball league. For me, basketball was the opportunity of a lifetime (a college education) and my passion and respect for the game had not diminished in any way. Coaching the team also meant that I would get more of what I loved and didn’t have to completely wear myself out doing it. In practices and games, I gave the best of what I had to offer to every kid on my team. I was alive whenever I was coaching! It was the best therapy for me and my wife made continuous mention of how energized I was coming home from basketball practice.
I had recently found my true Inspiration…my WHY and knew first hand that it was enough to propel me towards my DREAM! Inspiration is like having your own nuclear power source, one that will NEVER fade or produce harmful byproducts. Coaching energizes me, it is my passion, but helping young athletes find inspiration, becoming their best self, that was my mission. I took this mission seriously and set out to find a simple, inexpensive, effective way to activate their edge (the mind).
Many of the kids that I coached wanted to be good but struggled with their confidence and ability. Some of them desired to make their middle and high school basketball teams but they didn’t specifically have a basketball dream. My charge was clear; we had to achieve success as a team and I had to help them improve in ways that transcended the game of basketball. This meant that I had to prepare them physically to compete, but more importantly, show them how mental training could help them surpass their physical limitations. They had to see how their participation on this team could/would impact the achievement of their long term dream, whatever it is! If I could help kids (young athletes) tap into their “WHY” at a young age then they would be ways ahead of those who simply relied on their physical abilities or current circumstances.
As I began to deliberately study the greats like Mohamed Ali, Michael Jordan, and Wayne Gretzky, I learned that they trained themselves to visualize their success before entering into competition. We don’t question their physical preparation but it is clear to me that these stars won more than their fair share of battles by being better mentally prepared than their opponent. Successful entrepreneurs and business people also report using visualization techniques to help them achieve their desired level of success. So visualization works and it’s free; we just have to train young athletes to use this technique to their advantage!
Popular research states that 65% of humans are visual learners. I believe, based on my involvement in youth sports, that this number might even be higher among the younger demographic. It was finally clear what we needed to do. We would develop a line of athletic products that would train competitors to unlock, activate, and engage the power of their minds as they compete. These products can/will be worn in competition and use visual cues, as memory triggers, to help young athletes perform better in the heat of competition. By attaching positive personal experiences to their visual cues, athletes could effectively use them as a way to combat and control the negative impacts of stress and anxiety during competition.
We decided to combine our vision of effective mental training for young athletes with two popular and growing athletic trends; athletic compression wear, and Tattoos (visible, meaningful, personalized statements). In the end, our company Tattyoou.com was born with the core vision of helping athletes/individuals achieve success by unlocking the power of their minds. You don’t have to pretend to be someone else, greatness is already in you, and we will help you get it out. Learn how to “Channel Your Inner Superstar ®,” and live above even your own expectations!
If you believe you’ve got it, then let’s go get it!
